The Adventures of a Menu Deliverer / Asian Tour Buses

Firstly, I would like to apologize profusely, grovel on my stomach, and make soft whimpering noises to those of my readers who have frequently came back to this site and found no new writing for 2 weeks. A combination of laziness, writers block, a once again broken macbook (screen cracked while on asian tour bus, but its still under warranty so its all good), and a multitude of activities has kept me from my faithful keyboard, and much to my regret, has also kept you from the awe and excitement with which my life brims. That was sarcasm.

The Adventures of a Menu Deliverer

Perhaps the most vital job at a Chinese Takeout/Delivery restaurant, Menu Delivering, or "flyers" as the task is simply referred to, has long since been a rite of passage for the men of the Chong family. It also sucks. But at times it can be interesting. Most of the time however its just down right hellish boredom the likes of which can be compared with activities such as staring at stationary objects for extended periods of time, licking cement, and math.

That's me in the side view on the way to a menu route.

The job of the menu deliverer is quite simple. After a small breakfast, you get into a rickety old 1980s delivery car, and drive to your route with your partner for the day. After which, you walk door to door, armed with a messenger bag and sneakers, and post a menu advertising the restaurant on the door knob of each house on the route. At times these routes can tread into areas and situations, which are not... "favorable" to the menu deliverer. Large animals such as dogs and bears are a constant threat. Not really bears, but I have had a few scrapes with man's best friend. I remember once I was walking along a fence in Woodbury. I neared a large gap in the fence, and as I walked past it, 5 large adult rottweilers on chains rushed forward to have a go at the tasty menu boy. Luckily, they were held back a few inches from me by their chains. No one on that street got a menu. I was half way down the block before the menu I was holding hit the ground. Who has the need for 5 rottweilers anyway? I feel bad for the burglar who tries to burgle that house.

That was quite a long time ago though, so let me regale you with some tales and pictures from my last few menu delivering experiences.

Unlike a typical menu delivering day, in this video I got EXTREMELY lucky, and landed a route inside Centra State Hospital. Instead of sweating it out door to door in the blazing sun, I got to walk down a nicely air conditioned hall way and give menus to the receptionists in the various medical centers. The Audio is missing for some reason. sorrys.




As I was going door to door, walking down Bar Harbor road in Freehold, I noticed a peculiar cluster of what I though to be garbage, resting against a telephone pole. I walked closer, and the pile of garbage turned out to be a memorial set up for two boys who had died on that very street corner 2 years ago. They would have been my age. Their names were Kevin and Graeme. They were killed skateboarding in the street, the evening of February 27th 2008, when both were struck by an oncoming minivan. Broken skateboards are were leaned against the telephone pole by friends, in remembrance of such a terrible and sobering accident. Tragic indeed.



Here we see a most curious event. Pictured in the very center, is a man of the Arabic persuasion, locked in a valiant battle to defend his home from the onslaught of a band of marauding savage wasps. Sporting a t shirt turned-turban, a light pink tank-top, and stunning, yet versatile brown slacks, he wages war against the winged beasts with a coke bottle coupled with a spritzer. What's in the coke bottle you ask? His own piss. I walked up to him and offered him a menu, he gladly accepted, and proceeded to explain the situation, and his strange repellent. I walked off and snapped this shot.

I see a lot of cement writing when I'm out delivering menus but this one really stuck out to me. I'd never before seen cement writing dated past 1996, and this one shatters the record. Cheers, McQuaid!





This cicada scared the hell out of me. For those of you that dont know what a cicada is, google it. Basically its this big ugly bug, that makes a horrible buzzing vibration when it feels threatened. This one was over turned and unable to move when I unknowingly stepped next to it. It started making the noise so loud that I jumped up and started hopping around from one foot to the other in terror. A group of Mexicans nearby laughed them selves silly.


Other than a run in with some lady about leaving my soda can on her curb the rest of the day was pretty typical menu delivering, and not much else exciting happened. I did try sonic for the first time though, that was pretty good.


Asian Tour Buses

Before I stepped aboard the Atlantic Express coach bus in the heart of Chinatown, I had little idea such a phenomenon as the Asian bus tour existed. Apparently very popular among the Asian community, these grueling bus journeys take you to the ends of the earth and back, with tours encompassing most of the continental United States. Ours however wasn't quite so painstaking. Don't get me wrong though, it was quite painstaking. Being shaken awake at the crack of dawn to get back into a cramped bus seat for 2-4 hours at a time and visit some obscure place I'd never heard of before wasn't all that much my idea of a vacation. Niagara falls, and The lake of a Thousand Isles, and the Air and Space Museum were pretty cool, but the Corning Museum of Glass? Really? Glass? Glass is a stop on our trip? Glass? Yes it was that lame. I didnt even take pictures.

Day 1

A busy street in Chinatown:
Tonya and I knew we were going on a bus tour. We didn't know we would be going on an Asian bus tour. The street we were stranded on had been turned into a ghetto bus terminal, with tour guides brandishing sign holding umbrellas, and the most asian tourists I have ever seen rushing about to catch their rides. It was a hectic scene, and we were relieved to find our way to our bus and settle in.

The Lake of a Thousand Isles:
Our first real stop landed us in Alex Bay, alongside a gigantic lake, lined with green shorelines, and littered with estate sized islands, with mansion sized homes covering each. We boarded a 3 decked tour boat and set off to cruise the lake. Here's what we saw

The Lake

Flag in the water?

Flooding Hazard

Island with a Castle

After a nice hour on the water, we were back on the bus and off to Rochester for the night.

Day 2

Niagara Falls:

The last time I had been to Niagara Falls I was maybe 4 or 5. All that remains of that memory is sitting on a cannon after watching a reenactor demonstrate how to shoot a musket, and trying to discreetly tell the man giving out the rain coats for the boat my age so that I would get the right size rain coat. I thought they were made by age size.

Niagara was nothing like I remembered. The falls were amazing. The roar of the water flying over the rocky cliff down into the gorge produced this cloud of mist that rose high into the sky, creating a big rainbow that gave the near by bridge its name, Rainbow Bridge. I discovered the day before that Alexa Scotto was in Niagara City. However we couldn't meet up becauses she was on the Canadian side of the river and I was on the American Side, and my passport was at home. As we descended the elevator from the observation deck to the rivers edge, where the boat SS Maid of the Mist was waiting to take us to the falls, I found out that Alexa could see the river from her hotel room. I called her and learned that she was staying in the Sheraton Hilton directly across from where the boat launch was. I asked her if she could see a boat at dock from her window. She could. Then I told her to look at the top of the back deck for me waving and she saw me! That was pretty cool. Check out some pictures.

Taste the Rainbow?

The Falls

Rainbow Bridge

On the Boat

I'll edit this one when my macbook comes back

Some Amish people whose souls I stole by taking their picture. Take that Jedidiah!

Niagara was fun, but soon after a midday meal we were back on the tour bus, bound for places of lesser interest.

The Corning Museum of Glass:
Situated in the rolling hills of rural Corning, New York, the Glass Museum attracts tourists from far and near to marvel at the wonders of glass. Okay folks, try as I might, even my superior command of the english language cannot make this place sound interesting, exciting, or anything that does not fall into the category of dull and bland. A museum about glass? Really? 5 Rottweilers? Yeah.

Back into the bus and off to Maryland for the night.

Day 3:

Washington D.C. :
Deprived of sleep, and weary from travel, I stumbled out of bed, managed to shower, brush my teeth, steal a hotel pillow, and throw myself down in the bus seat. I was out before the bus started rolling. I woke up in Sunny D.C. Then imediately went back to sleep. Tonya and I skipped the first three stops that day, passed out and sprawled over our bus seats.

Madame Tussuad's Wax Museum:
Barely awake, I hung my camera on Winston Churchill, and used a near by mirrored wall to put my contacts in. Here's what I saw.

Old Winston himself

Some Black Guy... I hope Morgan sees this (we're friends on facebook)

Intense negotiations

We're Official

What really happened

The Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum:
I was like a kid in a candy shop. I love airplanes. That's all I have to Say.

Bell P-59 Aircomet. Yes I knew that off hand hahahaha.

A Ford Tri-motor and a McDonnell Douglas DC-3

The Original Wright Flyer. The first Airplane to fly Under its own Power.

A Spad WW1 Fighter Plane

After the museum it was again back into the buses, and the journey to Philadelphia began.

Philly:
Tonya and I opted to skip the tour of Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell, and instead went into a nearby food court which I recognized from a previous field trip with Mr. Falk. I got an amazing rocky road 2 scoop and a pop gun of all things and sat around till it was time to get back on the bus.

Home:
Thats where I am now.

Conculsion:
Asian Bus Tours have the potential to be fun. But then the Corning Museum of Glass just destroys that potential and the whole trip crashes and burns.

-Chris

Music I'm listening to right now: